Harry Potter, Head of Slythern
by Stephen Ratliff
Summary: An oneshot in the same story universe as Take no Umbridge but not part of that series, where in Harry Potter takes over Slytherin


A series of shorts written on a lark at a member of CaerAzkaban's prompting

"Part of me is crossing between this and 'Take no Umbridge' and wondering if we'll see "Harry Potter, Head of House Slytherin" in a few chapters."

So the following was the result.

This is written in an alternate continuity from Take no Umbridge II

* * *

Professor Snape swooped into the Slytherin Common Room. With the large numbers of Slytherins in the Hospital wing, everyone knew it was going to be bad.

"I have never been so disappointed in my Slytherins as I have been this week," Snape began. "I warned you that your actions were surpassing that which I could protect you from. I did not think, however, that you would go so far as to implicate me in your idiotic schemes. It was unworthy of this house. Fortunately, I shall no longer have to deal with your bumbling idiotic ideas as your head of house."

"I've been replaced."

The was a great murmuring that rose in the Common Room. Professor Snape let it go for just a couple minutes before saying, "Silence!"

"I will be remaining as Potions Master, and have taken up the duties of Administrative Assistant in lue of the being Head of House. You will not be seeing me in the dungeons cleaning up after your messes any more. That will be the job of your new Head of House."

Snape flicked his wand at the door, and it opened, revealing the new Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Harry Potter. He wore a deep green robe, coupled with matching darker green cloak that billowed behind him, obviously using the spell that Snape had taught him. His hair was messy as ever, and his green eyes seemed to pierce the room.

Draco Malfoy was the first to recover and speak. "But Potter's a Gryffindor."

"The Sorting Hat wanted to put me in Slytherin, but you'd already been sorted to there," Potter said. "It's apparently enough to get the job, Mr. Malfoy."

Professor Snape stepped behind the still portrait of Slytherin, knowing that no one would notice him there, and knowing that he could look right through the portrait's eyes. He'd seen Potter looking up quite a bit of information with the assistance of the insufferable Miss Granger in the couple hours since the change had been decided on.

"In any case, I'm here to clean up Slytherin," Potter said. "I'm going to start with punishments currently outstanding. It seems that there are several members of this house with a long list of punishments deferred. I shall only consider deferred from prior years in calculating the punishment."

Draco snickered. "Like you can do anything to us. You're only a fifth year."

"Malfoy, That was last term. This term I'm the Head of House for Slytherin and Defense Professor. I can and will bring you in line. Thank you for volunteering as my example."

Draco looked at Crabbe and Goyle. Snape knew the expression. A bit of legilimancy, and the thought was clear to him. 'What a moron.' Snape had a strong opinion of Potter, and had many less than positive words for him. Moron wasn't one of them.

"We'll start with disrespecting professors, namely, in reverse order, Snape, Flitwick, Binns, Hagrid, Trelawney, McGonagall, myself ... is there actually a professor that haven't disrespected?"

"I don't think he's said anything disrespectful to Professor Vector, but he's not taking her class," Parkinson said. "He doesn't have the brains for it."

"I would say that was self-evident a long time ago. Now I'm rather new at assigning punishments. I could take points, but then the whole house suffers from Malfoy's deficiencies. I'm afraid that his deferred punishments would result in Slytherin having a negative point balance until he leaves. My Uncle Vernon agrees with Filch that physical punishments are best ... as much as I would enjoy watching you hang from your thumbs, Malfoy, I'm against going that far. Instead, I think I should treat you as the age you act."

"That would be about three," a Slytherin said from the very back. Snape wasn't sure who it was.

"If that," Potter said. "Fortunately, I can make sure that you look the age you act, thanks to my good friend Hermione and Professor McGonagall. Anno Duo!"

Snape watched as Draco's age regressed to that of a two-year-old, practically swimming in his now too large clothes. Potter stalked over to the now toddler Slytherin and freed him from his clothes. Potter then sat down, and placed Draco over his legs.

"Ten swats should be a good start, and then you can stand in the corner until the spell wears off," Potter said. "No getting dressed."

"Yeah, everyone knows you've never had anything to show off," a brave Slyterin said.

Draco squirmed in Potter's lap, trying to see who it was that said that. He couldn't and it wasn't another half a minute before Potter administered the bare bottom swats. Snape could tell that they weren't that hard. They barely left a sign on Draco's bottom that they'd be been administered, not that you could tell that from Draco's cries. You would think the boy was under an unforgivable curse, or at least something near to one.

"To that corner," Potter ordered firmly, as he stood Draco up after the tenth swat. "The spell should wear off in two to four hours. Miss Greengrass, please see that Malfoy remains in place. Mr. Goyle, you may retrieve a robe for Malfoy to put on, after the spell ends. If it doesn't end by lights out, I'll be by to handle him. Oh and Draco, I'm just starting."

Draco scurried to the indicated corner, his hands on his barely reddened bare bottom. He faced the corner and began to sniffle. It wasn't long before it turned to sobs as he cried. Snape knew there wasn't a single student in the room who cared to stand up for the naked now toddler.

Snape turned his attention to the other students in his house. It was obvious that none of them were going to attempt to stand up to Potter, as he transfigured the chair he'd sat in to spank Malfoy into something more comfortable.

"You know, today's events could have been much worse," Potter said as he sat down. "Not that it wasn't bad. It is very seldom that a backfired prank sends twenty-seven students, including twenty-one members of this house to the Hospital Wing. At least I hope it was a prank, because if it wasn't, then it was premeditated murder, and whoever was responsible better be glad that Hannah Abbott had her runes book open and was showing Neville how to draw protective runes.

"Now I admit that I am quite new to the field of forensic magical analysis, but if I read Madame Bones's diagrams correct, the power that back-washed from the runic shield indicated an impact that was more than enough to kill someone. So, I hope it was prank gone wrong, perhaps overpowered in a attempt to surpass that shield. If my hopes hold, when Madame Bones' team discovers who was responsible for putting her niece's best friend into the Hospital Wing with third degree burns over half her body, and she will discover it, I shall settle for suspending that student or students responsible for the year ... plus whatever else Madame Bones has for them at the DMLE.

"There will be no bribery to get out of it.

"The witnesses will appear.

"The evidence will not disappear.

"No one will care to save you."

Snape had never heard Potter talk in such a serious tone. He had no doubt that Potter would take care that justice would be served.

"Oh, and you better hope that Neville doesn't find out.

"In the meantime, this house has just become the most respectful house at Hogwarts. There will be no pranks from it. There will be no slurs coming from it. That means I better not hear the term mudblood from any Slytherin. I will hear please and thank you with every question and every response. You will address your professors with respect. All homework will be turned in on time, without excuses.

"Or you can be the age you act and join Malfoy in one of the plentiful corners in this dungeon."

"Any questions?"

There was a great silence in the Slytherin Common Room. Only the sounds of breathing and Draco's sobs filled the room. Most of the students had suddenly found their shoes very interesting.

"Good. Dinner will be served in the old store room three doors to the left of this room in five minutes, as the Great Hall is still a crime scene from lunch. Miss Greengrass, you may escort Malfoy to dinner, where he is to eat in silence the healthy meal which the elves will provide, before returning him to his corner. His prefect badge is now yours. I know that unbalances things, but frankly I don't care."

Potter stood up. "Put away your books. I shall meet you for dinner. Dress formal ... except for you, Malfoy."

* * *

Reminder: this is a one shot. Do not expect more ... oh, who am I kidding. The muse will probably turn this into a sixty-two part epic.


End file.
